Mind-mumble

Overthinking about everything. Sambil dengerin lagu korea. Soalnya kalo dengerin lagu barat, bakaln lebih parah overthinkingnya.

At this very hour. I mean….. the heck?!

Relationship

Been thinking about this topic since 2020 started. This year, I turned 28, an age where most of my friends already married. Some of them have children. Meanwhile me, well, very well single and currently enjoying life.  But, part of me started wondering, whether I need to think about married life. Pikiran itu selalu muncul tiap kali selesai masak. Entah, tiap kali masak pasti porsinya bisa buat 2 orang.

Dan…. Auto mikir “ini sih macem aing masak buat makan bareng suami”. Heck.

Beberapa waktu lalu habis telponan (video call lebih tepatnya tapi gak saling tatap muka. entah) di jam gak wajar alias TENGAH MALAM with a good friend of mine. Opposite gender.

He told me about his current and past relationship. Told me about his future, about his preference in married life. Well, we both have a similarity. We both don’t like to show our personal life, especially romance life on any social media. Sebisa mungkin gak upload apapun yang berbau “in relationship”. The main topic we talked was relationship.

Entah sejak kapan, my goal was long-term relationship. Not a mere dating for fun. I was looking for lifetime partner. I’m pretty serious about that one.

Tapi, belum nemu aja. Entah. Maybe I wasn’t looking out. Or I was still hiding behind “belum siap”. I, kinda believe in “kalo udah siap dan berserah sepenuhnya sama Yang Mahakuasa, bakal datang kok jodohnya”.

I do believe His Plans. Kalo memang berkat, ya akan jadi berkat. Kalo memang sudah jodohnya, ya bakalan ketemu. Dan mungkin, memang karena belum ngaku dan berserah sepenuh hati aja sama Yang Maha Kuasa.

Ini nulis beginian sambil dengerin Side Effect-nya Stray Kids. Absurd emang.

              Work Life

Third year as oil and gas company employee. Tough life, I admitted. Though, His blessing are never ending. Kayak tadi sore, bikin empek-empek di dapur sama anak-anak mess.

Once again, I strongly do believe His Plans. Kalo memang berkat, ya jadi berkat. Easy to say, though. I know.

Tahun lalu, cukup ambis untuk ikut konferensi internasional sebagai presenter. Pokoknya nekat daftar. Mau bayar gak ada credit card? Transfer duit ke orang yang punya buat minta dibantuin bayar. Pokoknya ikut!

Thank God, they accepted my paper and gave me an opportunity to presenting my paperwork.

Giat nabung juga buat modal jalan-jalan ke luar negeri. I ticked out one of my bucket list. Hehehe.

I don’t know what to say about this topic. I just.,….. well, it’s not the same. The work environment. The pressure. The task. It’s really tough for me to adapting. Bahkan sampai sekarang, masih berusaha memetakan lingkungan kerja. I need to admit, I was exhausted physically and mentally.

I thought gave myself a luxurious gift to South Korea might heal myself. I was wrong. There’s something missing. I just don’t know how to fill it out, or figure it out.

          Family

I miss my family. A lot. Not only parents and brother, but also my extended family. Natal kemarin ngumpul bareng sih. TAPI KURANG PUAS HUHUHU. Dan kurang lengkap juga membernya. Walaupun kalo full member ngumpul di rumah tante, gatau juga bakal tidur di mana. Maren aja sampe ada tidur di depan TV wkwkk. Cuma 3-4 hari aja maren ngumpulnya. Huhu ku sedih.

Katanya sih, pas nikahan sepupu 2 tahun lalu di Kediri, keluarga besar ngumpul. Bahkan yang dari Magelang, yang jarang-jarang bisa ke Kediri pun datang. Keluarga Malang pun datang serombongan. Itu rumah tante penuh. Gak kebayang penuhnya kayak apa hahaha. Yang jelas depan TV di lantai 1 sama lantai 2 berubah jadi tempat tidur kalo malem.

Kangen kumpul keluarga, keluar pake mobil, duduk empet-empetan. Mending kalo perginya deket, ini mah perginya minimal ke Blitar. Ngapain? Jajan es drop sama bakso di aloon-aloon. Yak, seselo itu keluarga aing. Tapi ku sayang.

For me, family is so core. So, I’m looking for a family man. Because I grew up watching my dad who prefer spent his time with family.

Now, I need to re-organize my mind.