over

 Three days ago I received a confirmation email from Johannesburg University, South Africa. They are the event committee for the 22^nd Biennial Conference of International Consortium of Social Development.

 

They confirmed that my abstract was successfully submitted. I was happy as that was my first time sent my abstract for international conference that held abroad. My confidence level is up! Hahahaha

 

At first, I was hesitant whether to submit my abstract or not. Majorly because I wasn’t too confidence with my English, as it wasn’t my main language. I don’t speak English on daily basis. And never ever before I wrote something academic thingy in English hahaha. Sure I wrote my blog mostly in both Indonesia and English. But abstract? Nope, except for my thesis haha.

 

The email I got was only a confirmation they received my abstract, so I don’t know whether I can continue my abstract into full paper or not. I am waiting for their next email. Though, I’m happy enough to know they read my abstract. Hehehehe

 

Last year, I didn’t write anything, unlike two years ago. Two years ago I was one of the presenter at 21^st Biennial Conference of International Consortium of Social Development that was held by Universitas Gadjah Mada. That was my very first time joined such international scale event. I was pretty proud of myself.

 

Lately, I felt myself esteem was down to the lowest. I almost have zero confidence of everything. Though, maybe people saw me “okay”, but deep down, I felt nothing but empty. Last year was hell for me and it affected me personally. Not physically, but mentally. Especially when I was on my period. Geez, those days were worst.

 

A lot of bad thoughts come across my mind at night. For the last month, I force myself to join a virtual run competition. I realized when I was well exhausted after run for a good 5-7kilos, I left a very little energy to end the day. No energies left to feel bad over everything nor whine for something small. I am pretty sure about that. Though, there was times I forced myself too much to running longer than usual and it affected my body.

 

Since the beginning of 2021, my goal this year was simple. I wanted to lead this life in peaceful way. I wanted to have a “namaste” days ahead while I am enjoying the moments.

 

Joined 22^nd Biennial Conference of International Consortium of Social Development is my personal challenge, and personal ego as well. I knew it pretty well. I know sometimes I am an overachiever. Maybe it was caused by my desire to get acknowledge by other people?

 

Life is complicated. But life is good.

 

Stay safe, everyone.

 

Song of the post: Epik High - Over