over

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 Three days ago I received a confirmation email from Johannesburg University, South Africa. They are the event committee for the 22nd Biennial Conference of International Consortium of Social Development.

 

They confirmed that my abstract was successfully submitted. I was happy as that was my first time sent my abstract for international conference that held abroad. My confidence level is up! Hahahaha

 

At first, I was hesitant whether to submit my abstract or not. Majorly because I wasn’t too confidence with my English, as it wasn’t my main language. I don’t speak English on daily basis. And never ever before I wrote something academic thingy in English hahaha. Sure I wrote my blog mostly in both Indonesia and English. But abstract? Nope, except for my thesis haha.

 

The email I got was only a confirmation they received my abstract, so I don’t know whether I can continue my abstract into full paper or not. I am waiting for their next email. Though, I’m happy enough to know they read my abstract. Hehehehe

 

Last year, I didn’t write anything, unlike two years ago. Two years ago I was one of the presenter at 21st Biennial Conference of International Consortium of Social Development that was held by Universitas Gadjah Mada. That was my very first time joined such international scale event. I was pretty proud of myself.

 

Lately, I felt myself esteem was down to the lowest. I almost have zero confidence of everything. Though, maybe people saw me “okay”, but deep down, I felt nothing but empty. Last year was hell for me and it affected me personally. Not physically, but mentally. Especially when I was on my period. Geez, those days were worst.

 

A lot of bad thoughts come across my mind at night. For the last month, I force myself to join a virtual run competition. I realized when I was well exhausted after run for a good 5-7kilos, I left a very little energy to end the day. No energies left to feel bad over everything nor whine for something small. I am pretty sure about that. Though, there was times I forced myself too much to running longer than usual and it affected my body.

 

Since the beginning of 2021, my goal this year was simple. I wanted to lead this life in peaceful way. I wanted to have a “namaste” days ahead while I am enjoying the moments.

 

Joined 22nd Biennial Conference of International Consortium of Social Development is my personal challenge, and personal ego as well. I knew it pretty well. I know sometimes I am an overachiever. Maybe it was caused by my desire to get acknowledge by other people?

 

Life is complicated. But life is good.

 

Stay safe, everyone.

 

Song of the post: Epik High - Over


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